One Minute to Ground Yourself

When you were a kid, being grounded was not such a great thing - it meant that you'd done something wrong (at least as far as your mom was concerned) and you were forced to stay home, instead of going out and maybe getting in more trouble.

Now, as a grown-up, grounding means something entirely different. Well, maybe not entirely different - after all, when we think of grounding ourselves, we are usually thinking of finding ways to find a little peace, a "center" from which we can then move on with our days. So, maybe the concept of being grounded and staying home is not so far off.

The object of grounding is not to bring a halt to your day, or to find ultimate peace (wouldn't that be nice?). The object, really, is to just take a moment to make sure everything is in balance and ready for whatever is coming next. You know those "exploded view" drawings, the ones that show every part of a piece of equipment as though it had exploded straight out from the center? The purpose of grounding exercises is to un-explode - to bring all those parts of yourself back together. If you can get good at grounding yourself in just a minute or two, you can take on the challenges of your day in a more mindful, peaceful way.

Ready to try? Here are a couple of ways to start.

One of my favorite ways to quickly ground myself is with visualization. Try this one: Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and envision a gorgeous crystal blue beam of light emanating from the sky above you and shining right into you. From below, see a dark green beam of light, bringing you the peace and power of the earth, again shining right into you. As you breathe, visualize those two beams of light intertwining, combining to give you all the power, grace and energy of the earth and the sky. You are filled with the eternal, centered power of the world around you.

Another way to quickly center yourself is with a simple physical act. I like to slip my shoes off when I'm at my desk, close my eyes, breathe and just let the soles of my feet slide against the carpet. I feel the contact of my feet with the solid floor, and I give thanks to the floor for supporting me and to my feet for carrying me through my day. Wiggle your toes, flex your feet, and focus on the physical sensation, all the while continuing to take in deep, cleansing breaths. Add a word like peace, or love, or joy to each inhale, and soon you'll be grounded and ready to move on with your day.

Experiment with what works for you. Your exact technique isn't as important as just giving yourself that moment to bring all those exploded parts back to the center. All it takes is a minute, and you'll have a better day for your efforts.

One minute to tricking yourself into a better mood

This little "mood hack" has been the subject of ongoing research, and it has supporters and detractors just like many other theories. The idea is this: if you're feeling a little down, putting a smile on your face will trick your mind into thinking that you're happier. As a result, you'll feel happier, and eventually that smile will be more genuine.

Research on this idea has been conducted in several ways. One of the most notable studies had people clasp a pencil in their teeth, forcing their mouth into a smile. Try it! Just as shallow breathing sends a panic message (something must be wrong! I'm breathing rapidly!), a smile sends a message of improved mood. The most damning research in opposition is pretty weak stuff, mostly saying "we don't think it works all that great."

So, let's try this: either put a half-smile on your face and keep it there for a minute, or better yet, hold a pencil in your mouth, using your molars to clamp down on it. Your mouth will be pulled back into a smile, your brow will change, and you'll FEEL the smile on your face. Hold it for a minute or two, and see what happens. At worst, you'll just have the taste of pencil in your mouth for a while.

At best, though, you'll have a learned a ridiculously easy way to get a little mood boost.

An interesting offshoot of this facial feedback research is the mounting evidence that botox treatments can actually impact mood and cognition due to LACK of feedback. But that's another story for another day.

For now... smile!

One minute to putting extra love into the universe

Over the course of a day spent seeing clients, no matter how much I try and remind myself to keep my mouth shut and listen, I invariably say a lot of things to a lot of people. Like all people everywhere, there are some things I say more than others. "It takes time" is one. "What do YOU want?" is another. And, "Put some extra love out into the universe, and you will get more in return."

I say this thing about extra love because I believe it. I've seen it work, over and over. I'm a dedicated believer that love and positivity, given freely without expectation, will come back to you in quantities greater than you could imagine. Naturally, some of my clients are skeptical, as they have a right to be. And many simply want to know HOW.

As with my post about one minute of gratitude, there will not be a test after this. There's no right or wrong to putting love out there. And as with anything worthwhile, it takes practice and perseverance. Practice is the fun part - you get to make people happy! Here's a little list of ideas to get you started.

Pay someone a genuine compliment. Compliments come in many forms. Obsequious, empty flattery usually feels as hollow to the receiver as it does to the sender. A genuine compliment, on the other hand, especially an unexpected one, can make someone's day.

Give a genuine smile. Try this sometime - pretend like you've been given 5 smiles that you have to give away in the next ten minutes. Take a walk downtown, or through the halls of your workplace, and give those smiles away while looking people right in the eye. This works best on people you don't know. I realize that there are places in which a random smile from a stranger might not be acceptable. Choose somewhere else, and give those smiles away.

Give someone a hand. Offer unsolicited help. If you see someone engaged in a mundane task, see if they could use some assistance. Carry something for someone. Open a door. Watch your neighbor's kid so they can get a peaceful cup of coffee (as a parent I will tell you that this is worth 4000 Karma Points).

Give thanks. Heartfelt gratitude is an amazing, contagious thing. If your boss makes your job a nice place to be, let her know. If your spouse does a routine, daily task, thank them.

Tell someone that you're glad they exist. I love this one, and practice it regularly. "I'm happy you're in my life" is something that people never grow tired of hearing. Call someone out of the blue, and tell them exactly that, for no reason other than the generation of extra love.

Let someone know that they're on your mind. "I thought of you today" is another lovely present to offer someone. As I've discovered in my work, people are often surprised to learn that you've been thinking of them.


Most of us have been raised to offer conditional gifts - "I gave you that, what are you getting me in return?" The act of giving without expectation does take practice, but it's the kind of practice that feels good, even if you stumble a bit. Fill your world with unconditional love, and watch it bloom into something life-sustaining.

One minute to let go of guilt

Hey, busy person! Have you got a minute? Forgo that last quick click over to Facebook, and let's spend that minute on something a little longer-lasting.

Step one in today's plan is to go read back over my post about one-minute forgiveness. Letting go of guilt is really about self-forgiveness and self-acceptance. I know, not an easy task, but let's at least get started practicing. It comes with time.

Again, we're going to find a comfortable spot, even if it's your office chair with the door closed and the lights dimmed. Give this the room and respect that it deserves. A minute of guilt reduction might make your day go by easier. I know for a fact that it won't hurt.

Breathe. So simple. Such a key to so many things that we do for ourselves. Your breathing helps to center you - it helps to bring you back to where you started from. Simple, slow breathing, the soft beating of your heart, the quiet... relax into this. Sometimes I visualize the aftermath of an explosion, or a fireworks display - watch as you inhale and all of those scattered bits come back to you, make you whole and centered again.

Letting go of guilt is an act of self acceptance. Guilt is rooted in our comparison of ourselves to a perfect ideal - we're punishing ourselves for doing something wrong. Guilt runs deep, and most of us are trained to do this from a very early age. Guilt is well-modeled in many families as a way to modify behavior. We internalize it and use it against ourselves.

Find that little point of guilt - let's start small! - and notice it. Observe it. Describe it. Look at it without judgment. "I see that I am guilty about yelling at my child when I dropped her off at school." Nothing beyond that. No "why did I do that?" No "that was shitty." Just the simple observation of the fact that you feel guilty.

Now the fun part. That act that you feel guilty about? It's over. It is now out of your control. If you want to, you can apologize for it some time in the future. You can resolve to never do it again (hey, you're human - in all likelihood, you'll do it again. Accept that!). But, in this moment, in this breath, you can forgive yourself. You can accept your humanity and your imperfection. And you can LET IT GO. Visualize, if you'd like. That guilt can be a stone that has been warmed too long in the sun, and it's burning your fingers. Put it down. Holding it tightly is not doing you any good. Put it down and let it cool. Accept it as it is. Flood it with love for its natural beauty. Direct that love at yourself. You're human. You're beautiful. And in this moment, you accept and forgive yourself, because in this moment that is your only task.

Forgiveness, you'll find, is often something more easily practiced on others than on oneself. This is the way we're built. Self-compassion is frowned upon in many ways. With a little practice, though, we can reveal that oppressive social training for what it is, and we can relieve ourselves of some of the unnecessary burdens we carry. Accepting responsibility can be a very positive thing. Punishing ourselves for doing something "wrong," long after the fact - not so much.

Try this, more than once. And, if you miss a day, try not to feel too guilty about it. :)

One minute of forgiveness

In my line of work, I hear a lot of awful stories of transgressions that people have had visited upon them. Neglectful parents. Relationships ended by acts of betrayal. Friendships rendered apart by a moment of thoughtlessness.

As a therapist, I invest a lot of time "joining" my clients, walking in their world as much as I can. Just like them, when I hear about these terrible things my first response is a defensive, protective one. How dare those people do that! (Please bear in mind, this happens on the INSIDE. I don't tend to blurt these things out. That's another post for another time.)

When this happens, I usually realize that I need to take a step back and gain some balance. And when I gain that balance, and a little more clarity, it often becomes apparent that my client could benefit from an act of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not something I foist easily upon someone. The act of forgiveness can be complicated endlessly by emotion, by habit, and by a lack of understanding the process. Before I lay that on someone's head, we make sure that forgiving isn't just a way of avoiding the emotions underpinning the situation.

No matter the complications, though, true forgiveness can be an amazingly powerful act. And, just like the one-minute reboot and the one minute of gratitude I posted about before, it can be a simple and energizing thing to do in your day. Here's how.

Find that spot you found for your one minute reboot. Get comfortable. Breathe. As before, observe what comes up for you, and then let the thought go. Worried you're doing it wrong? Observe that worry with kindness, and put it back into the stream. Soon, something will come up that you resent, or feel wounded about. Trust me on this one. If you can't find one, stop reading this blog. You're actualized! You made it!

Still reading? I thought so. Now, take that little grudge and let's hold on to it for a minute. If it's a huge one, a life-altering transgression, let it know that you'll be back after some practice, and let it go down the stream. We'll start small. Take the little grudge (that person who cut you off in traffic is a great start) and observe it. Observe the emotion that comes with it. And stop for a minute to consider that the act is OVER. It's in the past. You're in the now. That's a good place to be, sitting there in your comfortable spot. You're in the perfect place right now to just let it go. Just focus your compassion, not on the universe, not on your year or your month or your day - focus your loving compassion on that tiny act you hold in your mind. Say it - "I forgive." Say it again. Flood that act, that crappy driver, with all of your compassion. Don't worry, you'll make more.

And, just forgive. It's a radical act of acceptance, and when you practice it, it gets easier. Just like all the one-minute things in the world, they take some repetition. If your only act of forgiveness today is forgiving yourself for being crappy at forgiveness, so be it. You forgave something after all!

If you have to read this a couple of times to get it right, that's okay. I forgive you.

One minute of gratitude

I got so many nice responses to my one-minute reboot that I thought I might try to make a semi-regular thing out of one-minute ideas. Today: One-minute gratitude.

As you may have guessed, it's a pretty simple process. I'm of the opinion the simplest processes are the ones that have the most profound impact. Rather than complicate them with all that messy cognitive interference (aka "thinking!"), they touch something basic within us.

Here are the steps. There will not be a test at the end.

1. Find a quiet spot.
2. Breathe deeply.
3. Give thanks for something.
4. Breathe some more.
5. Reluctantly leave your quiet spot, but promise it that you will return!

See, I even gave you some exit instructions.

Gratitude is a process that we tend to muck up with our emotional reactions, our learned prejudices and assumptions, and all kinds of other stuff. Like the one-minute reboot, the trick is to let go of the judgment and just be simply thankful, without a reason or an explanation. If your shoes feel good, flood them with your loving gratitude. Good hair day? That works fine. Someone did something nice for you? Direct your uncomplicated flow of love and gratitude their way.

As the complications come in, be grateful for your mind's ability to produce such complicated loveliness and then let them GO. Return to that powerful stream of pure thankfulness. Let it wash over you. Pick a color. Is gratitude green and vibrant? Is it muted and smoky? Plaid? Your choice. Envision it touching the object of thanks, if you want. Let your pulsing blue river of gratitude flood over that guy who held the door open on the bus. See it however you'd like.

The point isn't to do it right. There is no point, really, other than being in that moment of thanks, touching it, letting it become a part of you.

One minute! That's all. No goal. No way to do it right. Just an opportunity to do it.

Let me know what you think!

The one-minute reboot

Like just about everyone else, I own a smartphone. My phone, a Droid X, is pretty darned smart, and I've grown accustomed to it. Every once in a while, though, it acts kind of stupid. It will shut down while I'm trying to play a song. Its smart little screen will get stuck while I'm flipping through photos.

When this happens, I've got the solution. Like so many other pieces of technology I own, I just shut my phone off for a minute, let it rest, and turn it back on again. It emerges from its nap all refreshed and ready to do more smart things for me.

In some ways, our brains are like smartphones. The visible stuff like producing speech and guiding your fingers to the right phone keys is just part of what's going on. You know how that feels - you're typing up a letter at work, and your brain is feeding you anxious little tidbits about your checking account or chiding you for eating too much at lunch. It never seems to stop.

I have clients who tell me that they're always running, always working, always tired. I ask them what they've done for themselves lately, and the answer is always the same - and usually comes after a slightly embarrassed pause. "Nothing."

At this point, we do a little experiment. I have them close their eyes, if they're comfortable with that, and I lead them on a one-minute guided breathing exercise. No point to it, no destination, just one minute of slow breathing. I tell them that if those anxious thoughts try to crowd into their breathing space, just notice them and then let them go. Observe and describe. "Oh, there's a thought about money. Goodbye, thought about money." "Hey, I'm judging myself for not being able to do a freaking breathing exercise correctly. Hi, judgment, I'm noticing you. Goodbye, judgment."

And so on.

After a minute, I bring them back into the room. They're often very reluctant to come back from that nice, centered, non-judgmental breathing space. I ask them when the last time they took even one minute to do nothing at all but breathe, and practice kindness to themselves. Again, the answer comes - never.

Next time you're at work in a frenzied day, close your office door if you can, or just find a place to go (bathroom? Hopefully the boss won't chase you there, although I had one in my past work life who would!) and take one minute for yourself. Breathe. Observe and describe your thoughts, and let them go. If it helps, visualize yourself next to a stream, and let your thoughts be leaves on the water. Pick up the leaf, feel your love and compassion for that leaf, release it into the stream. Repeat.

If you're lucky, this will become a habit. Everyone has one minute per day to spare. The more you visit your brain, the better you'll get at quickly finding an uncrowded corner in which to relax.

One minute, one day. Try it.